pity party, bring your own ice cream!

ok, so until I find my camera, among many other things I have lost in the recent move, I thought I would vent for just a second. I know I actually have turned my blog into a whiny mess lately, but I figured if I can't complain on my own blog, where can I right? So grab a carton of ice cream, a couple of candy bars, tissues, or whatever you need, and I will proceed with my complaining.....
Ok, so I feel like my life has turned into a country song, the song that comes to mind today.. Rebas "I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart" As you all know it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do to leave downey, but I did it knowing that It was so much better for our family, and don't get me wrong it is better. I tried really hard to bottle all my emotions and just simply move on. Leaving my friends broke my heart, and made it hard to get up everyday, when you talk to your friends everyday, wave at your neighbors everyday, and depend on that small town love and friendship to just get you through, and then it is gone, it is difficult to leave that. But I did, we moved to Roy, and I got us all settled in, However I knew that our move to Roy wouldn't last forever so I very selfishly, and immiturely decided I didn't want to make friends, I couldn't go through what I just went through again weather it was in a year or 2, or 3.so I hung out in my house, I didn't go out and make friends. but then I had little Zander, and had 2 surgeries, and my ward was WONDERFUL, I felt myslelf opening up again, and sure enough made a couple of friends. So when it was time to leave in July, once again my heart was broke. I had to leave friends behind. So we found this new house in murray, I love the house, I love the neighborhood, and we have been unpacking for the last week and a half! but I got tired of the moving, so I took the kids back up to downey for a day of the fair. The kids fit right back in with their friends they had so much fun, which as a mom is excactly what you want to see, but for me, thats where the song started playing in my head, it seems that life just goes on, and its not that I expect the world to stop for me, it would be nice, but I know it doesn't, friends move on make new friends, and peoples lives just keep getting busier, reguardless of what is going on in mine. It is not anywhere close to the same as when I lived there, and it was a sad realization last night. Almost a small death, I always thought I could go back and fit right back in where I always was, but It is true that time moves on, people move on, and I know that I have to give myself 100 % to this new place, I hope to keep my friendships from both my old neighborhoods, because I do have amazing friends in both, I just have to realize that those friendships change. people change, and maybe things won't hurt as much once I really understand that.I LOVE seeing all the people that I run into when I go back up there to visit, but the feeling is so different, Thanks everyone for your friendship, I hope you will still be my friend (pretty pathetic sounding) but I will be a big girl now and start making new friends. I am getting a new job this month, entering the workforce is a scary thing after 15 years of being a stay at home mom. Sending my oldest to highschool, and teaching him to drive at the same time, way scary!! two kids in jr. high, and two kids in 2nd grade. and of course, my little baby. Life does go on, sometimes I think we just have to acknowledge our feelings, put them out there, and allow them to heal to be able to move on. I am looking forward to things getting better, we have been talking about having Abby sealed to us, we are looking forward to doing that. So at the end of my little pity party, there is hope, and happiness. And as soon as I find my camera, grrr, I will post pics of our crazy move!! love you all, thanks for putting up with my ranting and raving, and following my crazy blog! check back later for the good stuff ;)
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